she's trapped inside her room
with reruns on the screen
old books and movies
but she can't stop thinking
i'm torn between myself
my radio my friends
i want to write this one off over and over and over again
and then she looked at me to scream
"my castles are falling"
but i can't look into the street
without everything changing
she waits all day
she stands a stranger in her skin
she moves the science with her hands
she lines her walls
with every paper she can see
these words consume her
but they never set her free
and then she looked at me to scream
"my castles are falling"
but i can't look into the street
without everything changing
i want to read good news
i want to be a little kid again
i want to read good news
but nothing good is happening
i want to read good news
i want to go to sleep at night again
i want to read good news
but nothing good is happening
BY: Something Corporate
*********************************
Ugh. Tonight just seems to be one of those nights and this song seems to sum up what I’m feeling. Tomorrow is the last full day of school. Tomorrow is the last full day that I am a teacher, a role model, a “mother”. Tomorrow is the last full day that I will have something that has defined who I am for the last 2 years. There is an incredible feeling of loss and emptiness that is going along with this. More so that expected. I think I am having such a hard time with it because these kids and my “work family” have gotten me through a lot. I have put my blood, sweat, and tears building the classroom that I have today. And the uncertainty of “will I find a teaching position?” just eats at me every day. It’s not a good feeling knowing that something you love so much will be gone. Time to move on, grow up, learn from it, and as my students would say “go to home depot, buy some wood, buy a hammer, get some nails, build a bridge, and get over it!”
Usually I would go for a long walk, or a run, or do some Turbo Fire to work off my frustration. But I have non-functioning legs. Super aggravating. Awaiting my next, and I swear to the good Lord, FINAL surgery, I have nothing holding my knee together. I cannot do any form of strenuous exercise. I tried to walk to dogs last week, and that was too much. I miss walking my dogs every night. I used to run bleachers with my best friends. Now it hurts to walk up the stairs. I walk with a slight gimp. Although I joke and call it my “gimpy girl swag”, it really ticks me off. I am clinging to the date when I will be released from therapy and READY to work out. I want to tone up so badly I can barely stand it. When I worked out I slept better and felt better. Now I get winded walking through Walmart. That has to be the definition of lame. My husband doesn’t know it yet, but for Christmas we will be buying ourselves a recumbent bike and an elliptical.
Tomorrow is wacky wardrobe day. Any suggestions? Cause I’m at a loss. I’m thinking about wearing my “NERDS GONE WILD” t-shirt. I’m hoping that will count as wacky … although that is perfectly normal for me. Maybe I should throw on some fishnets? But there is just something about a teacher looking like a hooker that just doesn’t seem right? Tomorrow is ALSO day 3 of Dante’s Peak. If I never see that movie again, I would be completely fine.
To end this post, I decided to set some goals for myself. Maybe I will inspire someone to set some goals for themselves as well. I am pretty sure that I (completely accidental, FYI) wrote them in order of importance. At least I know I have my priorities straight. So … here goes:
*Short-term goals:
-Have an amazing time with my husband while he is home for leave.
-Find a bathing suit that does not make me appear to be a creature from the sea.
-Try to finish the rest of the week without crying at school (Yes. I admit it. It happened today. And I gave hugs. For those of you that know me, I am not a touchy feely person. The kids were super freaked at my odd behavior.)
-Get HBO … True Blood is starting soon!
*Long Term Goals:
-GET A JOB!
-Make it through surgery.
-Do WHATEVER it takes to not have to pee in a bedpan (both legs are getting worked on this time!)
-Kick physical therapy’s butt (I have no choice, my insurance runs out in August! Ha!)
-Make it through my husband’s deployment.
-Buy a new computer (as my personal laptop had a hard drive failure, and my only one now belongs to the school).
-Buy a recumbent bike.
-Build great quads.
-Work out!
-Be one hot mama for my husband’s return from the desert.
What do you think … do those sound attainable? I’m hoping they are. But for now I am watching “The Walking Dead”, because zombies and zombie killing always seems to cheer me up.
THURMANATOR OUT! <3
No comments:
Post a Comment
Comments: