Isn't There A Manual For This?

Ain't no sunshine when he's gone

It's not warm when he's away

Ain't no sunshine when he's gone

He always gone too long anytime he goes away

Wonder this time where he's gone

Wonder if he's gone to stay

Ain't no sunshine when he's gone

This house just ain't no home anytime he goes away

I know

I know

I know …

BY: Bill Withers

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Seriously.  I thought that I would be fine after that “last” phone call yesterday.  But my body and mind disagreed.  I tossed and turned all night last night, not just from the pain, but from worry about what Joey will be facing in the next year.  I just about jumped out of bed when his ring-tone went off at around 1 AM this morning just to tell me that he was safe and thinking about me.  The phone call was short, but it meant a lot to me.  I slept clinging to my phone after that.

We tried spreading out the pain med doses over longer periods of time last night and the pain got too far ahead of me.  My knees felt like they were going to explode.  They were on fire and were full of pressure - not very fun.  I finally got a handle on the pain at about 4 this morning.

Even though I slept most of the day today, (which makes me think that my body apparently needed it …) today seemed very long.  To be honest, I kept checking my phone.  And again, I slept clinging to my phone.  I am hoping that this behavior will only last another night or two, because I knew going into this that communication should not be expected in the first 2 weeks.  In a way, I am thankful that my surgery and the beginning of his deployment took place at the same time because I have been heavily medicated and sleeping through the first days of it.  But, on the other hand, I feel like I haven’t really been able to sort out the way I feel about things, and really get a handle on the situation.  Maybe I don’t have to and I am just really incredible at controlling my feelings about this?  Maybe I am indifferent?  Or maybe I just don’t know what to feel.  What exactly are you supposed to feel during something like this?  I mean, did someone write a manual or something? 

I get the bandages and stitches out of my knees tomorrow.  I am excited!  All this wrapping is starting to get itchy and hot in this humidity we’ve been having.  And I haven’t seen what my knees look like yet, so I am anxious to see the incisions and the swelling.  Also very excited that this will be my last surgery for a very long time (God willing).  I will definitely take pictures!!  J  I hope they look great!  This doctor visit will be my first outing since surgery … I feel bad for the people that have to see me because I have to wear shorts and I can’t shave my legs! HAHA I’m growing some very impressive lady leggings right now.  So please, try not to stare too hard.  After my outing, that will involve poking and prodding to my surgical sites no less, I will most likely need a good round of pain meds and a nice snooze.  I shall update you when I can.

But for now, please keep Joey and me in your thoughts and prayers.  I normally wouldn’t ask, but I know he is nervous and I know I am somewhere close to a hysterical breakdown filled with blubbering and snots.  Good night.